strawberry picking in rainbow, ca

Kenny's Strawberry Farm

five days

laying on the cool floor of my beach condo. 

i can actually hear the ocean waves a lot clearer from this position, it's a built-in, natural noise machine! 

back pressed flat against my cushy mat, aches & pains buzz about my body. 

so stiff, so sore, so underutilized. 

i'm worried about how i'm going to get up, but this feels grounding. 

social media slapped me in the face this week. 

spiraling in comparisons, losing sight of self worth.

"back to basics" wasn't just a thought, it was necessity.

day one of deactivating all social media: 

anxiety, actually shed a tear, what is the fear? 

will people think i intentionally blocked them? 

will they think i've got an illness? 

will i miss an important nugget of news? 

i came out of the womb with FOMO so this feels impossible. 

day two feels eerily quiet, like when you hide in a closet as a child. 

i loved playing hide & go seek. 

something rebellious about keeping people guessing where you are or what you're doing. 

still enjoying my favorite YouTube channels so not all's been erased from view. 

the entire internet is still at my finger tips! 

everyone is just a text or phone call away. 

i spent two hours on the phone reconnecting with a former Pixarian suffering the same life overwhelm. 

starting to feel much more connected without having to consume all the noise (and junk) on socials. 

i honestly feel healthier for doing this. 

day three feels softer and lighter. 

it's freeing being out of the loop. 

walked seven miles on the beach path today! 

tonight i could smell my candle burning that I was convinced had no scent. 

more room to breathe and go about my day with focus & intention. 

the fog is lifting.

sleeping a little more that usual on day four, maybe my body is recovering & restoring. 

i want to feel guilty about bed-rotting but i'm not going to fight it. 

falling out of bed, happy little ideas and inspirations start flowing freely. 

day five something silly happened. 

a delicious visual from adolescence appeared:

mid-90s Sonoma, sitting on a bench outside PayLess Drugs with a small personalized pizza from Gramma's Pizza. 

a teen-haven, a place to find cheesy Moon Bread on the menu. 

i miss it so much, it closed decades ago. :( 

last night i let a black spider crawl across my hand as i let it outside. 

i'm not afraid of spiders but i'm afraid of what people think of me. :) 

current YouTube favs: Lauren Louise, Rachel Autenrieth, Apartment Therapy

"boredom and silence are the real growth drivers. they give you space to think and create. that's when solutions show up for problems that have been stuck for months." 

–Cooper Baggs

cozy coffee

moments & memories

from recent travels to my two favorite cities:

New York City

• witnessing Jill as the last person on our flight to NYC, then witnessing myself as the last person on my flight outta NYC ;-) 

• immediately touching down and finding the most bomb Texas BBQ @ Hill Country BBQ in Chelsea

• Billy Joel's final concert in residency at Madison Square Garden. Axl Rose, Jimmy Fallon, and Billy's little daughters all making appearances

• Jill running through the seats at MSG finding free Billy Joel collector cups for us

• ten dollar bootleg Billy Joel concert tees outside MSG

• walking an insanely steep and long flight of stairs in and outta a dive bar with Jill and discovering my astounding knee pain 

• obsessing over all the toasted savory and sweet bagels w/ fun cream cheese options (rainbow sprinkles! walnuts! veggies!) at Bagel Pub 

• Jill and I drinking and conversing with an adorable pair of awesome dudes at Jake's Saloon in Chelsea 

• a cozy stay at Pod Hotel Williamsburg watching Paris Olympics and not totally vibing with the toilet located inside the shower...it was a Toto toilet so it was slightly acceptable

• the best falafel gyro and mozzarella sticks from a street food vendor in Herald Square

• a hot, sticky, historical stroll through Green-Wood cemetery in BK with Carly & Jill followed by frozen margs at an outdoor bar 

• french onion soup and ginger beer at Sweetwater 

• AC and spot-on horoscopes at Oslo Coffee

• purchasing a vintage Matisse and NYC Subway poster at Artists & Fleas and then 20 minutes later leaving them in a store for 3 hours. came back and they were still there!

• Jill forcing me to see Friends the Musical Parody at Jerry Orbach Theatre despite never seeing an episode. this show has a solid Monica impersonator! 

• meeting the lovely and inspiring Pixarian Deanna Marsigliese at NYPL followed by drinks at the classy Campbell Apartment in Grand Central, then a fun shopping stroll through Koreatown eyeing press-on nail bling

• doing a much-needed load of laundry at my local laundromat off Grand Ave in Williamsburg, while stopping at Femme Fontaine for a spritz and deejay beats with a few femmes

• the tastiest chopped salad at Elder Greene in Greenpoint BK with Tricia. Then getting the flu shortly after...

• happening upon fresh-squeezed tangerine juice made by an adorable husband and wife on a Williamsburg street corner just as my flu was starting 

• swimming in a sudden storm on the TWA Hotel rooftop while geeking out watching A380s land and takeoff at JFK

• next NYC visit: Patzeria Perfect Pizza in Theatre District, Milk Bar for a toasted pink lemonade bar, text Tony Danza for another Manhattan meetup 

Reykjavík

• the ease of taking the FlyBus from KEF (Iceland) to local spots in downtown Reykjavík for thirty bucks. meeting Dori at her cute lil boutique hotel Local 101 and gobbling down her heavenly homemade croissants 

• discovering the beauty and serenity of Vesturbær & old Reykjavík neighborhoods

• coffee table chats, laughs, and snacks with Dori & her sweet & jolly boyfriend Olí

• the beautiful vintage light fixtures inside Dori's apartment

• Freya the Icelandic Magic Softie Kitty, jumping on my shoulders and cuddling with me while I was deliriously ill at Dori's 

• swiss mokkas at Kaffi Brennslan and Kaffihús Vesturbæjar

• hours spent at Vesturbæjarlaug trying to cure my illness inside the geothermal pools and steam room

• veggie burger, fries, and Applesín (Iceland's iconic orange soda) at the cute burger stand outside Vestur pool 

• an hour spent at Verzlanahöllin thrift store, came out with a few gems: a purple vintage ESPRIT button down, Billi Bi - Copenhagen chunky black loafers with gum soles, a 90s denim vest, a dog toy

• the most necessary and comforting minestrone soup served in a kettle with fresh bread n butter at Café Rosenberg 

• the soothing shapes & colors inside Hallgrímskirkja and its grand organ

• a rainy afternoon meeting Dori's friend Andrea at her custom jewelry shop, Andrea Ellen Jewelry on Laugavegur street. we met a couple shopping in the store who sailed from Greenland to Iceland for twenty days straight...according to their experience: no thank you

• the unmanned waterslide in Alftanes and riding it a dozen times

• treating Dori to a memorable meal at Fjallkonan: candy floss boss cocktail and hummus tower!

• shopping for snacks n souvies at Nettó with Dori. a few favorite finds: Nivea Wonderbar facial cleansing soap, Labello strawberry shine lip balm, Rís candy bars (basically KIX cereal in chocolate), Squashies chewy candies, bags of Smash! (basically chocolate covered Bugles)

• dinner n drinks with my Icelandic viking sisters Lóa and Ásgerdur at Snaps Bistro, catching up after a few years gone by...LoaLand loving her NYC souvenir. "Showshashay" to my unicorns! 

• next Iceland visit: housesit for Andrea while she's on holiday, hang with Dori & Olí and possibly convince them to take me to Vestmannaeyjar ;-) 

soundtrack of my travels:

Controversy by Prince

You May Be Right by Billy Joel 
Wish I Never by Kehlani

How Long Do I Have To Wait for You? by Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings

Uptown Girl by Billy Joel

Espresso by Sabrina Carpenter

Lost on You by LP (and thinking it was Gwen Stefani haha)

Lovely Day and Ain't No Sunshine by Bill Withers 

Dreams by Fleetwood Mac 

All I Want by Toad the Wet Sprocket (such an early 90s classic!)

Maybe You've Been Brainwashed Too by New Radicals (haters gonna hate)

Theme from "A Summer Place" by Percy Faith

small steps

 

this week feels like starting over. a twenty year career at Pixar officially in the books. recent travels to my favorite cities that make me feel alive (NYC and Reykjavík) complete. 

i've been making a not-so-productive habit of living on my couch, sitting with discomfort and dread about my future. for the first time in my life, I have no work, no purpose, no plan. both terrifying & thrilling. 

i spent most of last week napping midday, suffering from an array of anxiety dreams about former co-workers in an alternate-universe Pixar. then there was the appearance of a narcissistic friend i ghosted a few years ago. my car ran away with itself and i darted through an abandoned 80s-era McDonald's to try to catch it. 

i decluttered a handful of drawers & cupboards. re-orged my life into stylish acrylic bins to feel accomplished. the high from this activity was fleeting, so i started agonizing over switching medical plans and paying a monthly premium now. i ruminated over making a new guy friend and then blowing off plans with him because i was too afraid to lead him on. 

books have been a source of calm & inspiration during this new transition. i've had time to read a few of the many female celebrity tell-alls sitting on my bookshelf: Emily Ratajkowski's My Body a very raw & revealing read (literally). Elliot Page's Pageboy: A Memoir an intense page-turner, Elliot doesn't write their story chronologically, they hop around, which engages the reader even more. and my favorite This Will Only Hurt A Little by Busy Phillips, i love her colorful, comedic voice and shockingly close friendships with Hwood elite.

i've managed to start and stick to a new hobby: putting on a bathing suit (despite my ghost-white legs and Birkenstock tan) and submerging myself into the bay down the street. i don't even worry about the temperature of the bay. without hesitation, i power through my entrance into the water, my body adapting to the cold almost immediately. sea water is very comforting, like a healing blanket. dense saltwater carries the body so effortlessly...like floating on a gentle cloud through calming, tepid water.

small steps right now for Kelly B. small, gentle steps that will eventually lead to the next big thing that brings back her childlike wonder and creativity, purpose, joy, and most importantly, humor.

currently listening to: Sailing by Christopher Cross 

"being needed somewhere at a specific time was never really about the somewhere or the time. it was about knowing i mattered."

–Jennifer Breheny Wallace

eggman

The lights at Pixar are a bit dimmer as we mourn the loss of one of our greats... 

Ralph Eggleston

Ralph sat next to me in the early Incredibles 2 prod pod at Pixar where I had just started my new role as Script Supervisor. I had interacted with Ralph for years prior on various Publishing projects, so it was nice to have a familiar face welcoming me to Production. He knew how valuable and intense the Script Supe role was at the studio and always made sure I felt valued and secure. 

We were both early birds. Every morning Ralph would swing by my office and talk about his obsession with silent film icon Fatty Arbuckle (my paternal great grandmother’s first cousin...I think he almost fainted when I told him we were related). He was enamored with Fatty’s career and downfall from Hollywood. Ralph let me borrow his tattered paperback copy of The Day the Laughter Stopped. It started to disintegrate while I was reading it so I repaired the pages using a role of tape and swiftly returned it to his bookshelf. 

Ralph would always arrive to i2 art reviews in a frenzy, spinning into the room with newsprint flying everywhere. Brad Bird said he "molted artwork” wherever he walked. :D

In an act of kismet, I displayed Ralph's WALL•E crew artwork in my parent’s hallway this weekend.

Thank you for the colorful conversations, smiles, and laughs over the years Ralph. Hope you get to meet Fatty. All the love. 

Kelly B 

A message from Ralph to a group of elementary school students, that applies to every artist (and human):