strawberry picking in rainbow, ca

Kenny's Strawberry Farm

five days so far

laying on the cool floor of my beach condo

i can actually hear the ocean waves a lot clearer from this position, it's a built-in, natural noise machine

back pressed flat against my cushy mat, aches & pains buzz about my body

so stiff, so sore, so underutilized

i'm worried about how i'm going to get up, but this feels grounding

social media slapped me in the face this week

spiraling in comparisons, losing sight of self-worth

"back to basics" isn't just a thought, it's necessity

day one of deactivating all social media: 

actually shed a tear, what is the fear? 

will people think i intentionally blocked them? 

will they think i've got an illness? 

will i miss an important nugget of news? 

i came out of the womb with FOMO so this feels impossible

day two feels eerily quiet, like when you hide in a closet as a child

i loved playing hide & go seek

something rebellious about keeping people guessing where you are or what you're doing

the entire internet is still at my finger tips

everyone is just a text or phone call away

i spent two hours on the phone reconnecting with a former Pixarian suffering the same life overwhelm

starting to feel much more connected without having to consume all the noise on socials

i honestly feel healthier for doing this

day three feels softer and lighter

it's freeing being out of the loop

walked seven miles on the beach path today

tonight i could smell my candle burning that I was convinced had no scent

more room to breathe and go about my day with focus & intention

the fog is lifting

sleeping a little more that usual on day four, my body recovering & restoring

i want to feel guilty about bed-rotting but i'm not going to fight it

falling out of bed, happy little ideas and inspirations start flowing freely

day five something silly happened

a delicious visual from adolescence appeared:

mid-90s Sonoma, sitting on a bench outside PayLess Drugs with a small personalized pizza from Gramma's Pizza

a teen-haven, a place to find cheesy Moon Bread on the menu

i miss it so much, it closed decades ago :( 

last night i let a black spider crawl across my hand as i let it outside

i'm not afraid of spiders but i'm afraid of what people think of me :) 

"boredom and silence are the real growth drivers. they give you space to think and create. that's when solutions show up for problems that have been stuck for months." 

–Cooper Baggs