here i am laying on the cool floor of my beach condo. i can actually hear the ocean waves a lot clearer from this position, it's a built-in, natural noise machine! when my back is pressed flat against the ground, the aches & pains start buzzing about my body. so stiff, so sore, so underutilized. i'm worried about how i'm going to get up, but this feels grounding right now.
day one of deactivating all social media: anxiety, actually shed a tear, what is the fear? will people think i intentionally blocked them? will they think i've got an illness? will i miss an important nugget of news? i came out of the womb with FOMO so this feels impossible. but it's something i must do to get back to basics ie: myself.
day two feels eerily quiet, like when you hide in a closet as a child. but i loved playing hide & go seek. something rebellious about keeping people guessing where you are or what you're doing. i'm still ingesting my favorite YouTube channels so not all's been erased from view. the entire internet is still at my finger tips! everyone is just a text or phone call away. i spent 2 hours on the phone reconnecting with a former Pixarian suffering from the same overwhelm. starting to feel much more connected without having to consume all the noise (and junk) on socials. i honestly feel healthier for doing this.
day three feels softer and lighter. my body still aches, so stretching out a bit more on my mat. i walked the beach path for 7 miles today! it's freeing being out of the loop. tonight i could actually smell the candle that I was convinced had no scent. i literally have more room to breathe and go about my day with clarity, focus, and intention.
sleeping a little more that usual on day four, maybe my body is recovering & restoring. i want to feel guilty about bed-rotting but i'm not going to fight it. body and mind are healing. the fog is lifting. happy little ideas starting to flow freely.
day five something silly happened. a delicious visual from adolescence appeared from the depths of my memory bank! mid 90s Sonoma, sitting on a bench outside PayLess Drugs with a small personalized pizza from Gramma's Pizza. a teen-haven, a place with cheesy Moon Bread on the menu. it closed decades ago. :(
last night i let a black spider crawl across my hand as i let it outside. i'm not afraid of spiders but i'm afraid of what people think of me. :)
