five days so far

laying on the cool floor of my beach condo. 

i can actually hear the ocean waves a lot clearer from this position, it's a built-in, natural noise machine! 

back pressed flat against my cushy mat, aches & pains buzz about my body. 

so stiff, so sore, so underutilized. 

i'm worried about how i'm going to get up, but this feels grounding. 

social media slapped me in the face this week. 

spiraling in comparisons, losing sight of self-worth.

"back to basics" isn't just a thought, it's necessity.

day one of deactivating all social media: 

actually shed a tear, what is the fear? 

will people think i intentionally blocked them? 

will they think i've got an illness? 

will i miss an important nugget of news? 

i came out of the womb with FOMO so this feels impossible. 

day two feels eerily quiet, like when you hide in a closet as a child. 

i loved playing hide & go seek. 

something rebellious about keeping people guessing where you are or what you're doing. 

still enjoying my favorite YouTube channels so not all's been erased from view. 

the entire internet is still at my finger tips! 

everyone is just a text or phone call away. 

i spent two hours on the phone reconnecting with a former Pixarian suffering the same life overwhelm. 

starting to feel much more connected without having to consume all the noise (and junk) on socials. 

i honestly feel healthier for doing this. 

day three feels softer and lighter. 

it's freeing being out of the loop. 

walked seven miles on the beach path today! 

tonight i could smell my candle burning that I was convinced had no scent. 

more room to breathe and go about my day with focus & intention. 

the fog is lifting.

sleeping a little more that usual on day four, maybe my body is recovering & restoring. 

i want to feel guilty about bed-rotting but i'm not going to fight it. 

falling out of bed, happy little ideas and inspirations start flowing freely. 

day five something silly happened. 

a delicious visual from adolescence appeared:

mid-90s Sonoma, sitting on a bench outside PayLess Drugs with a small personalized pizza from Gramma's Pizza. 

a teen-haven, a place to find cheesy Moon Bread on the menu. 

i miss it so much, it closed decades ago. :( 

last night i let a black spider crawl across my hand as i let it outside. 

i'm not afraid of spiders but i'm afraid of what people think of me. :) 

"boredom and silence are the real growth drivers. they give you space to think and create. that's when solutions show up for problems that have been stuck for months." 

–Cooper Baggs

current YouTube favs: Lauren Louise, Rachel Autenrieth, Apartment Therapy