I can comfortably say that after a very long, justified, earned career break, leaning into being lost is the theme I will carry into next year...which marks 45 years of living, a baffling milestone. Especially when your mom is still paying half your mortgage and doing everything in her power to shield you from the dangers of taking a cruise to Mexico for Thanksgiving.
Having officially made it to mid-life, I'm both paralyzed with fear and oddly content with having so much freedom, all while being hit in the face daily by a mysterious term that seemed to appear overnight: perimenopause. I feel like an octopus most days, juggling a mini mister and portable fan in an attempt to maintain a comfortable body temperature.
I'm still somewhat unemployed and squeezing every last ounce of government assistance from the hard rock that is government assistance. I'm so incredibly eager to wake up early again (morning person), put on some fashionable pants (and shoes), use some hot tools, and maybe even utilize public transportation to an office (air conditioning), where I can banter with colleagues with shared interests & experiences. My resume reads like a Hwood tell-all: Vicki Lawrence, Pixar, Jay Leno, Netflix, Disney Publishing, Radio Disney, yet I'm currently being ghosted by every entertainment entity in existence.
During a recent visit to my hometown, I ran into a cherished grade school teacher. I sheepishly told her I was still finding my way after being laid off a while ago and she said "Remember, you've already accomplished enough, we're in awe of you."
A half hour ago, the barista at my local coffeeshop asked what I did for a living. I blurted out that I was unemployed but had worked at Pixar for 20 years. Most of the coffeeshop gazed my way, intrigued. "I went from having a ridiculously creative, fulfilling job to doing absolutely nothing," I shrugged, tugging awkwardly on the pockets of my sweatpants.
The barista smiled and laughed: "both of those things sound equally awesome."
:)
